Respect is EARNED

A month or so ago I read about a member of the Trump administration who had resigned his job in the past few years. He spoke about his struggles working for Trump and how he came to realize how destructive and poorly suited to the job of President that Donald Trump was. He described his interactions with Trump like working with a petty child that had temperament issues. He talked about deception, lies, unethical behavior, and a total disregard for the responsibilities of the office. In his opinion, Trump should not have been President. Throughout the interview (there were articles from different sources written about him), however, he kept talking about how it was important to him to, “Respect the office,” of the President. And therefore, he didn’t actively engage in any activity that would challenge Trump or call into question if Trump was fit to be President.

Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels — *Photo by* Daria Sannikova from Pexels

Respect for the Presidency.

Respect for the Office.

He never mentioned his respect for Trump. In fact he went out of his way to talk about how little respect he had for the man.

I also recently began following the trials and tribulations of one Joss Whedon. For those of you who are not familiar, Joss Whedon is the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie and went on to create, write, and direct the television show of the same name. The show has been widely regarded as one of the top 10 television shows of all time because it tackled issues not typically seen in a series targeted at teenagers. It was considered strongly feminist and woman-empowering by the standard of popular entertainment at the time. Whedon went on to direct feature films and was eventually selected to write and direct the first Marvel Avengers film and its sequel, Avengers: Age of Ultron. He was also brought in to take over for the apparent train wreck of a film that was Zack Snyder’s Justice League. Until recently, Joss Whedon was what one might consider “Hollywood Royalty” and someone who could command a great deal of money and power to develop and produce movies and television properties. And then Ray Fisher came out publicly stating that Joss Whedon was “abusive” and “unprofessional” in 2020, followed by revelations from actors dating back almost 20 years about similar behavior, specifically actors who worked with him on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What’s remarkable is that while actors have hinted about specifics, very few have come out and stated, explicitly, examples of these behaviors. There have been numerous reports and analysis of his work after these new revelations, along with his own wife claiming that his feminist credentials are a smoke screen for something far more sinister, that imply that Joss Whedon may have used his position of power to exploit the very women whose careers he was responsible for.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer got on my radar because I started having a number of conversations with women who consider the show a defining moment in their teenage and early adulthood lives. They describe the show, without hesitation, as the most important television show or movie in their lives (not just young lives). All of those women, whom I admire and respect, have expressed pain over the fact that they believed, until recently, Joss Whedon to be one of the good guys.

These are two examples of people, Trump and Whedon, who have—if all the reports and articles are to be believed—demonstrated behaviors that are reprehensible and consciously abominable. In both cases these two people continued their behaviors for years.

So why didn’t anyone stop them?

In the case of Trump, a quasi-caricature of the New York businessman, he was content to operate on the fringes of the entertainment world while running a business operation that was less than profitable. His run for President is widely believed to have been a PR stunt as he, himself, admitted being completely surprised that he won the 2016 election. Everyone—at least everyone who doesn’t think of FOX News as a source of journalistic integrity—believes that Trump was totally unfit to hold the office of President. An opinion that I am in complete agreement with. Joss Whedon—as it turns out based on the totality of claims against him that keep building—should not have been in a management role where he had power over the actors, writers, and production people on his staff. It appears that especially was the case when it comes to women, and men who are not white. One female actor, who was underage while starring in the Buffy television show, came out recently and said Whedon was not permitted to be in a room alone with her. It appears that much of this information was widely known long before either of them reached their peak, yet numerous people continued to enable Trump and Whedon for years. Allowing them to do extensive damage to individuals, institutions, democracy, and our perceptions of the things many of us value.

This is where RESPECT comes in. Joss Whedon and Donald Trump were afforded respect at every turn in their careers because—either through money they were given at birth or fame they achieved through earlier success in filmmaking—after a certain point, they were never held to the standard that respect is earned, not something they were entitled to. Far too many people believe that once you have “arrived” you no longer have the obligation to work to earn the respect of others. I have worked with CEO’s and executives of big companies who believe that the title relieves them of having to treat others with respect. Many parents assume that being a parent means you don’t have to earn the respect of your children. That it is somehow a given that they need respect you. Most people with wealth make the same assumption. Mistaking fear, greed, and self-interest for “respect,” from those around them. #MeToo has shown us numerous examples of men who abused, raped, and ruined the careers of women, saddling them with a lifetime of trauma and issues to deal with. All because they reached a position of power, that others believed deserved respect and, therefore, relieved them of any accountability. They felt entitled to respect that they hadn’t earned.

I call bullshit. Actually, FUCKING BULLSHIT. Nobody is ENTITLED to RESPECT. Period. We don’t respect an individual because of their talent, accomplishment, title, wealth, etc. We respect people because they work to earn our respect. Respect of intangible things like positions, awards, and financial success sets up opportunities for the abuse of others. Just because a musician can sell out a stadium does that mean he is entitled to use drugs and alcohol to rape women? No. But that’s what happens when we assume that, because he is famous, talented, and successful, he no longer has the obligation to earn everyone’s respect. From his fellow band-mates to the sound technician to the parking lot attendant working at the concert. If you have ever used the phrase, “do you know who I am?” This essay is directed at you. The minute you presume you do not need to earn a person’s respect is the minute you no longer deserve any respect. No matter what your title, position, or accomplishment happen to be.

If all of us held everyone to the standard that respect is earned, not given, then the world would be a far better place. Success, money, power, fame, etc. are all great. But having these things should never give someone a free pass from continuing to have to earn the respect of others.

We should not respect Joss Whedon because Avengers is the #8 top-grossing movie of all time, just as we should not respect Donald Trump because, through a bizarre turn of events, he was elected President (although one might argue he didn’t win the popular vote, coming up about 3 million votes shy of Clinton, and therefore didn’t deserve to be President anyway.). The people who do, are idiots. If I cheat, lie, or, even, steal a gold medal or other award, should people respect me? No, because I didn’t earn their respect nor did I earn that medal or award. Yet this happens in almost every facet of our lives.

Earning the respect of others is a lifelong journey that requires humility, patience, and dedication to the ideals of justice, fair play, and integrity. It is something we should demand of everyone. We should make it a job requirement, and we should make it a requirement to have children.

When my own children were old enough to understand the concepts, I sat them down and explained to them that, while they were minors, they needed to do what I said. But they did NOT need to respect me because I happened to have contributed to some of their DNA. Respect was something I had to earn from them. And it was something that I could easily lose from them if I didn’t continue to work towards maintaining it. Something I am committed to continuing as they have grown into adulthood and until I take my last breath.

It seems like a simple concept. When we hold others to that standard, society becomes a whole lot more equitable, fair, and just.

Try it. See what I am talking about.

This essay represents the opinion of the writer and should be considered as such. Any thoughts or statements about persons real or imagined are opinions.

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