Where are we Driving our Boys?
I saw a recent piece by Professor Scott Galloway about affection with his sons and how society is stacking the deck against boys. Some of the facts and figures that point to some very alarming trends should concern all of us. You should read it yourself. The line that stuck out to me as the most memorable was, “we’re raising a generation of men who are unviable mates.”
Yes, it is true that young people are suffering depression in record numbers. It is also true that young men appear to be even more disenfranchised than ever before. Less sex, more time alone, incels are now a thing, and yet we don’t seem to be doing much to help them. And this is NOT an either-or thing. We can help young men while also empowering women, supporting the ideals of equality between the sexes, raising up the importance of feminism, and emphasizing what empowered women do for society as a whole. But today, in this post, I want to focus on young men.
Let’s start with the conclusion. We are driving young men into the arms of people like Jordan Peterson, someone who — in my opinion — seems to be fond of making up ideas and concepts while making claims that are “ludicrous.” I am also of the opinion that people like Jordan Peterson are particularly dangerous in that he seems to be encouraging a narrow world view which, like with the people who follow and support Trump, results in outcomes that don’t favor the person who holds that view. The natural path for that is greater dissatisfaction leading to doubling down on these destructive world views which brings that person more dissatisfaction … and it just gets worse from there.
In addition to Jordan Peterson, I want to call out a person named Andrew Tate. I have to confess that I didn’t know who he was until he was arrested and charged with human trafficking and rape in Romania. What is more alarming is that schools feel the need to build programs to educate young men about the backward ideas of Andrew Tate. This New York Times piece gives you a pretty good sense of what’s going on here. That’s a problem, because young men are being strongly influenced by people like Tate and Peterson, individuals with an agenda that has little to do with lifting people up and more to do with creating a narrative that reinforces their own world view. More importantly, they are buying into ideas and concepts that are based on lies, half-truths, criminal activity, and only serve to enrich the people who are supplying the ideas in the first place. Although, it looks like Andrew Tate may end up in jail in Romania, which is probably a very good thing.
There are certainly others out there who are saying the same things. I see it regularly in my YouTube feed when I am trying to look up techniques for specific weight lifting exercises. We live in a toxic world where it is easy to “influence” others with ideas that may, on the surface, seem innocuous, but are actually quite insidious. For whatever reason, those who seem to enjoy promoting conservative, right-wing hate seem to favor going after women, minorities, and the disenfranchised.
This is such a problem because, by all accounts, these positions and ideologies are not actually benefitting young men. Instead they seem to be reinforcing their isolation. If we look back at Galloway’s piece (linked above) we know that 63% of men 18 - 29 are single (not married or in a committed relationship), marriage and sex are on the decline, male college enrollment is down, and it goes on and on.
Nearly 20 years ago, I had two young sons and one of my concerns was that they might not get a fair shake once they entered school. There was a book, The War Against Boys, which was published in 2001. At the time many of the points the book brought up were concerning to me as I looked ahead for what my two boys might face as they entered the educational system. My experience in their upbringing taught me that there were elements that the book got very right when it comes to boys in the classroom. I debated on even bringing up the book, because I have this worry that it could (and may already be) used as a means to reinforce misogynistic fantasies.
As Republican controlled states start passing laws that will legislate good education from bad education including the banning of books and even the term “latinx,” we now find ourselves fighting over ridiculous things with mostly really stupid people leading the charge on both sides. As the battle rages on we are losing sight of the most important priority we should all be focused on: our children.
The truth is, these are complex problems that will require thoughtful people who will need to discuss, and perhaps debate, these issues. Except one issue: we need to regulate social media now and stop waiting!
But don’t get me started on that again. I am sure I will have another post soon about the damage social media is doing to our children and society.
We need to acknowledge the importance of developing male children in a thoughtful way that encourages their growth while also acknowledging the differences that come with the different genders. Engaging in a fantasy war against wokeism only serves to influence young men in a way that is detrimental to them playing an important role in our society. We can’t go down rabbit holes during this discussion, because that seems to be what people like Jordan Peterson are doing and exploiting every time we try to engage in thoughtful discussion.
The speed of technology is creating a more complex world for us to navigate. We need to prepare our children, boys and girls, in a way that will help them to navigate those complexities while dealing with the disruption of constant change. It all leaves me feeling very sad and terrified for the future. Let’s find ways to work together to solve the real problems we have now created.
If we don’t, we are then just putting our boys in a car and driving them off the cliff. That’s not something any of us should be happy about.
The thoughts and ideas expressed in this essay are the opinions of the author.
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